你是猪。 
 
正常:You are a pig。 
 
TOEFL症:You are certainly no more than a pig。 
 
(你也不比猪好多少。) 
 
GRE症前期:It would not be unjustifiable to claim that you resemble a pig not only superficially but also intrinsically。 
 
(声称你不论表面还是内在都与猪有相似之处,这绝非空穴来风。) 
 
GRE症后期:You are porcine/swinish/hoggish。 
 
(豕者,乃之类也。) 
 
 
 
你脑子是不是坏了? 
 
正常:Are you crazy or what? 
 
TOEFL症:It’s a question whether or not you are crazy。 
 
(脑残还是不脑残,这是个问题。) 
 
GRE症前期:Query whether or not the brain of you is still performing its function as normally as one would expect it to be。 
 
(我现质疑你的大脑是否如预期般处于正常运行中。) 
 
GRE症后期:Are you asinine/obtuse/vacuous/fatuous/lunatic/frantic/frenetic/paranoid? 
 
(汝失心矣!) 
 
 
 
我爱你 
 
正常:I love you 
 
TOEFL症患者:I can’t stop loving you。 
 
(我无法停止爱你。) 
 
GRE症前期:I would wager that no one all over the world could honestly claim that they feel a stronger affinity towards you than I do。 
 
(我打赌,这世上无人敢用真心保证,他对你的眷恋会比我对你更深刻。) 
 
GRE症后期:I woo/dote/adore/coddle/cosset/spoil you。 
 
(私心慕之) 
 
 
 
你扯淡! 
 
正常:Bullshit! 
 
TOEFL症患者:You are talking absolute nonsense。 
 
(你说的完全没有意义。) 
 
GRE症前期:What you are talking about rests on myriadsof unsubstantiated assumptions, which render it ridiculous as it stands。 
 
(你的言论纯粹是建立在一堆抽象而荒谬的臆想之上。) 
 
GRE症后期:You prate/waffle/babble/prattle/piffle! 
 
(甚矣 汝之不惠!) 
 
 
 
分析总评:TOEFL患者的典型症状是一句简单的话一定要绕个弯表达;GRE前期患者的典型症状是句子结构复杂化,语言风格华丽化,有政客演讲的风格;GRE后期患者的典型症状是回归古典,语句精炼,用词晦涩,高深莫测。 |